Light Enough To Travel

What Would You Do If I Sang Out a Tune

2008-01-14T19:42:00.000-08:00

I guess here and now is as good a time and place as any to ponder the year past and profer a guess on things to come.

It occurs to me now, after having spent a lovely 3 days with high school friends, that I have been a terrible snob.

Not only have I been a snob but I have been doing exactly what I have been accusing other people of doing and I felt self-righteous doing it. I had a dream (me and MLK, huh?) and because it wasn't easy to justify and because I've still not been able to find the words to explain where it came from or what sustains it, I decided to create a world to which I couldn't return in order to feel not so-very-far-away. I've been unfair. To myself, to those who have loved and supported me, and those who didn't even know they ever made it into my musings. And I wonder what ramifications this ephiphany has for my dream.

Things haven't come to pass quite how I anticipated. I was better at diplomacy than I ever anticipated, and through that experience I found out that I was better at IR than I had realized.

Dara's visit was the icing on an already perfectly golden, over-iced cake. Exploring new parts of Australia together was amazing, but equally surprising was how wonderful it was to re-do some of the parts I've seen already.

Moving was beyond hard. And that intuitive gut-feeling did not betray.

The Gold Coast was a blot on 2007. Perhaps "blot" is too strong a word, it was an unexpected detour that cost a lot of money! I feel fortunate that I was given the chance to take such a detour at such an expense. I feel fortunate that this mis-step wasn't the end of my dream (though in moments it certainly felt like it could have been). I met some lovely people, was supported by them (as my far-away family seems to do!) and can look back on the time as my last hurrah with student life for a number of years. There are worse ways to have spent those last six months, indeed.

And upon returning from the GC I was greeted with extraordinary kindness. Some of it remote (as in Tara who was in Perth but generously lent me her apartment while she was gone) and some of it from right in front of my face including Ross picking me up at the airport upon my return, Lisa and Daniel's places over New Years, Lauren and Craig letting me crash their hostel room in Sydney, and Chen and Miki's spare bed room now.

2008 has begun with enormous generosity from others. And let us here put down in words, so as not to forget (as he asked me not to), Moh, the man on the bus to Sydney before I met up with Craig and Lauren on the 10th of January--jupiter is strong in my star-sign, a job is on the horizon. A generous assessment of my prospects.

What will come in 2008 I have very few answers. I seem to be developing a bit of supersition, as well, however, because it seems arrogant to speculate and a bit of a temptation to fate. Let it here suffice that 2008 will follow the saga of my latest dreams, the manifestation of them I cannot yet anticipate. Jobs, apartments, new friends, new scenery--where ever it shall take me I hope to move forward without letting go, growing up without growing old, reevaluating the judgements that lent my dream a necessity it does not objectively possess, and remaining open to the possibilites that through whatever cracks may appear, the light will stream on through.

The Dharini Leaving Do and Sydney Whirlwind

2007-12-14T22:46:00.000-08:00

The lights at knights

Gathering outside the eatery

Turkey and Birthday antics in the territory of the capital

2007-12-07T21:26:00.000-08:00

Nammers and me preparing for the feast!
Cody digging in to the tofu log with a knowing Laza looking on....
24 birthday candles...the WHOLE package!
something displeases young daniel???
coco and laz up close!

Birthday and Turkey-day antics in the States and Territories

2007-12-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

Tara breaking it down with a little Bohemian Rhapsody and tequila!

Getting close to the 20 pound turkey
Veggo keeps his distance from the uncooked bird
table of desserts: birthday cake and pumpkin pies. mini pecan pies and apple pie
the fastest cooking tukey in the world!!

Birthday Antics in the states and territories

2007-12-07T20:55:00.000-08:00

Taking a break from Fishos: birthday dinner at Saks. L-R: Amy, me, Liz

Anomolous (me and james)
Coogeee proposal?! Keeping Christine's ring safe from the ocean!
Home sweet home :) Jem, Sam, Seb: Knightsbridge closing

more photos from the GC

2007-11-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

me and michael hoy on the GC

storm gathering over bond from my balconey
V-TAV L-R: Lance, Ryan, Meg, Liz
Surfer's Halloween: Liz and James
Sunset over bond from my balconey

Gold Coast living in photos

2007-11-02T01:42:00.000-07:00

HALLOWEEN ON THE BEACH
L-R: Meghan, Yasmin, Rex, me, Liz

THE DRINK, Surfer's Paradise: bond students unite
The bee and the angle looking a little confrontational at the begining of the night
Our first weekend at Bond. Byron escape. L-R: Kyra, Amy, Liz, Meg,me, Lance
Dancing to the exotic beats in Byron. L-R: Meg, Lance, me

Diplomatic Function

2007-07-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

After turning in our last paper the diplomacy students and their supporters went out for a banquet dinner followed by martinis clubbing and cocktails. This was dinner. Notice how we all still look presentable.

18 months, 2 Homes, 1 Car, TWO MASTERS DEGREES

2007-06-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

To everyone who has joined me along the way:

you have been wednesday nights, too much alcohol, the labs, car trouble, car purchasing, australian travel, laughter, tears, drama, family. You have been editors, saviours, phone-conversations and text messages. You have been homemade dinners, too much money spent on food, burritos, debacle, hungover brunches (girlie and otherwise). You have been dancing til dawn, mombasa, mooseheads, knightsbridge, muddle bar, shooters (:-)P), university house. You have been moving house, dickson, turner, braddon, toad hall, grad house, bergman, queen-size beds. You have been themed parties, wigs, the 80s, footless tights, shopping buddies. You have been holidays, passover, easter, birthday parties, australia day, concerts, bbqs. You have been jobs, work, all-nighters, survivors, motivation, and ambition.

for all of you who have been part of this past 18 months in total or in part, you are part of me. You have characterized my life, given it shape, form, and texture. You have been my family when the time difference didn't permit me to call home, you have been my family even when I could have called home. I don't question for one moment that my life is better for having been touched by each of you. You all are the loves of my life...you know who you are.

WONTONS ala Ross

2007-06-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

250gs prawn meat

1 clove garlic

1 clove chilli

half bunch of coriander including stalks

squeeze of lime

knob of ginger

2 tbsp hoi sin sauce

2 tsp sesame oil

1/3 rd can water chestnuts

pinch of salt

Mine everything and combine. Sit in fridge if you have time

Sauce

½ cup of vinegar

1/3 cub of soy sauce

1 chilli

1 garlic

sugar to taste

bring vinegar soy and sugar to the boil

add diced chilli and garlic – remove from heat store in jar in fridge lasts about a week

Cooking

Fry the bottoms of the wonton’s for 1-11/2 minutes

Pour a cup/cup and a half of boiling water on top of the wontons and put lid over them to let the tops steam while the bottoms continue to sit on the frying pan.

negotiating the elements

2007-05-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

The mini-bus and the group before leaving Coombs
The brightest triple rainbow I've ever seen
the grossest spider we found in the dining room
total fire ban? what?
big surf

Woah, down in mexico

2007-05-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

L-R t-b: Cody, Chris, Miki, Dha, me, Chen--Rockstar style: Mos, Hats, and Wigs

Cody and the Fu-man-chu

Malula styling in the silver tinsle
Dharini rockin the red

12 Booderee street round 2

2007-05-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

Miki and I post night-time swim
The BBQ

Miki and Co, toasting our nightime swim?
sunshine through the clouds on the way home

Jervis Bay: The remix

2007-05-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dha, me and Clarie at a Bateman's Bay pitstop

First nights dinner ala chen
Dha, me and A in the turtle-shell chair
Carita and I finding the firewarning amusing
My smiley-faced breakfast pancakes!

Easter Eve/Easter Monday

2007-05-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

Frolicking in the hay-house
Laying in the hay-house

Sunrise from the property
I want a cooooool rider!
Chen and me in the tractor bucket....

Easter Arvo

2007-05-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

"I mean all i'm saying is: SHADY-BIZ."

"No, Seriously!"
Easter afternoon croquet
Ross and his roast
Easter-egg hunt number two in canberra

Australian Seder

2007-05-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

Icing on the Cake: Tastes Great!

2007-04-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

Its April in both my worlds today....

So you know what that means? It means that one year ago I was allowed to be legitimately happy and settled in Australia. I was allowed to be, because before I left I gave myself a six week adjustment period in which i was likely to feel uneasy, alienated, unsettled, and unsure. It was going to take six weeks before I found my self, my footing, my comfort zone. One year ago, today, I proclaimed that I was so very very lucky because my six weeks were up and I hadn't even needed them. Things were right from the "get-go." I called those six weeks the icing on what was going to be a very satisfying cake and I'm here to report, the cake is good, indeed.

So, its April in both my worlds today, and in both my head and my heart I am so very very satisfied, as I have been for a long time now.

For Adam and Wangyel, with love

2007-02-27T23:02:00.000-08:00

For once in my life, it isn't me who is going.
For once in my life, my friends are walking away from me.

For the smiles they caused and the laughter they've illicted, for too many drunk nights, and not enough hung-over brunches. For every conversation we've shared and study-break we created. For every coffee and lunch or cross-campus walk. Every dirty joke, bad joke, book reccomendation or philosphy. A million indulgences and countless memories. These two fantastic friends deserve nothing short of everything they've ever wanted.

To laugh and smile and drink just one more time we gathered at Chris and Clint's place in Belco for a SURPRISE farewell.

To two of the kindest men I've ever known, goodbye.

Silly faces from the pretty girls

Peace, love, and confusion?

Oh Hood, why didn't you just say no to signing your head?
Before Jake could comment on what he'll miss he had to first pull my shirt off...
ADAM and WANGYEL--our leaving boys

A Perfect Ten

2007-02-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

For Sara's birthday we headed up to the outskirts of Sydney for an afternoon and evening of waterlogged, bbqing good times!!! A little taste of why i love Australia

before people moved their towels and bathers the pool railing was littered with drying cozzies
jake makes an epic leap through the handstand managing to make it through with minor damage to me!
cody and ross attack
four little monkeys...

Swap!

2007-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

So Ms. Spencer sent me a chain-letter of sorts the other day pertaining to a recipe exchange. As i decided to participate (and am now waiting on receiving around 36 recipes) i figured i would post them all here so that the rest of you need not waste your time with silly chain letters in order to benefit! so here, is recipe number one:

Asian Chicken

Need:
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
3 Tablespoons soy sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoons vinegar
2-3 Tablespoons light brown sugar
1 garlic clove, finely chopped (or just shake in some garlic powder or salt)
1/4 teaspoon ground pepper

Preheat oven to 350. Spray Pam on pan or glass dish big enough to hold chicken in single layer. Combine remaining ingredients and pour over chicken. I like to stab the chicken a bunch of times first to let out anger and to allow the sauces to get inside. Bake for 20 min or until done. Serve hot or cold. (It's especially good the next day after sitting in the sauce overnight.)

Serves 4.

compliments of Jennifer

Viet Nam, Residency, and 2007

2007-01-08T19:52:00.000-08:00

Joanna Buddha

My Turn!
Random acts of Buddhism
Saigon Cyclo
That's how the light gets in...
A few images from Viet Nam to start the 2007 blog off.
I had a dream last night that my application for residency was refused at the close of this semester. I couldn't sleep much after that. I keep trying to tell myself that those cracks, the imperfections that feel like defects are the only spaces in which the unpredictable can happen. I keep trying to brace myself to free-fall into one of those holes if that rejection of my residency application becomes a reality. But how do you prepare yourself for loosing the life you've dreamed you'll make? How do you smile in the face of blinding sunshine when you can't see what images will come into focus once your eyes adjust, your heart mends?

It could never be easy, right? I couldn't have fallen in love with a place closer? I miss my friends and my family. Weddings are starting to be realities that I will have to consider missing because of distance--money. How do you trade off the life that you love living with a life you wish you wanted? How do you know which things hold the potential for happiness in the long term? I'm terrified of the crack, i'm scared by the fissures I see forming and the terrible fall that will drop me into worlds as yet unimagined. I wait with anxious anticipation for someone to tell me that this, the life i'm leading, the dream i'm building is the forgotten offering. Until then, however, I refuse to believe there could be anything more wonderfully warm then the light streaming through the "australia crack."

END OF YEAR DINNER PART DEUX

2006-11-01T21:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sort of glad that one is small!
my gorgeous girlfriends
Gilberto and Tashi with the biggest smiles
the beautiful ladies with traditional costumes

the great shoe switch of 2006!!

END OF YEAR DINNER PART UN

2006-11-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

Me and the kiwi!
Hood looks a little weary there

THEY BANNED VEGGIEMITE IN THE STATES BUT AUSTRALIA 'S STILL GOT IT

2006-10-30T03:12:00.000-08:00

me and laza admiring each other's 'finery'
laz, adam, cody
me and allens
the night progressed towards debauchery
our Euro Trash boys, ross, jan, and tamas

Postcards From Australia

2006-10-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

So for the few of you who headed to the orble site, thanks! I have been offered an opportunity to freelance blog for the company. And, since they enjoyed my snap-shots of a life lived abroad i thought i would republish the posts that I had done for them here, for those among you who happen to stop by :)

Some are better than others, the goal was to post every three days, at least...

if you haven't already done so, please, enjoy my postcards from Australia

10 October: ...Even in Australia

2006-10-15T21:30:00.001-07:00

Everything goes wrong sometimes, for all of us, please tell me not just for me!
Everything goes wrong and sometimes you just lack the drive to fix it. School has me in a funk today. I had an early class so i got up (earlier than i like) and i sat through the most tedious, useless lecture imaginable. And then I called home. And then I checked my email, and here I am at 1:30 in the afternoon and I haven't done any work on my lastest assessment. Its 1:30 in the afternoon which you would think would leave me plenty of time to get something done, but I can't find the motivation. I can't be asked to care about looming deadlines, and theories of international relations. North Korea may have just tested a nuclear device, arguable the reaction of the world community will have long-lasting effects on global security and especially security in my asia-pacific region and i can't be bothered to care. So where does motivation come from on a day like today? The sun is shining so I'm motivated to go out to lunch. The sun is shining so I am motivated to go on a run. The sun is shining so I am motivated to be doing anything but sitting in front of this computer any longer. And I want to fight the urge to blow off the day (who can afford to blow off an entire day of work!) but then I have to wonder if i'll be able to get anything done in this state of mind. Will anything go my way today should I try and make my own luck, coral my own fate, fight for my own internal threshold of procrastination to be crossed spurring my otherwise unmotivated butt into work-mode? Or, should I just heed the advice of the great Alexander (you know, Alexander of Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day) and let today slide by, because in the end you have to waste some time, and sometimes things won't go your way, and no matter how much you fight it: SOME DAYS ARE LIKE THAT...EVEN IN AUSTRALIA!

8 October: MYSPACE procrastination

2006-10-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

Being far away from home has its advantages. Afterall, if i was not a perpetual traveler I would not have acquired friends around the world, and if I was not constantly dashing from one place to the next there would be no need to 'stay in touch.' I would BE in touch, literally. And thus, if my penchant for travel had not taken me around the world and back I would never have discovered the miserable , fantastic procrastination device that is: myspace!

An easy way for friends in any location, from any venue with internet access to have a quick update of what I'm doing, when the last time I logged in was, how many friends I have, how many pictures i've taken, and generally more information than you'd typically want one to be able to acquire without your knowledge ;) Nonetheless, we're all guilty of providing that information once we join. We caption our photographs, choose selectively the friends we want to display on our top favorites list, and generally continue to act as though we're close to people who we have long since lost touch with. Old friends become old strangers in a matter of yeasr, but this way, we still have the access to their lives without involving them, at all. What a clever invention of moderntity: Friendship without interaction, Procrastination, without distraction of another.

5 October: An Inexplicable Truth

2006-10-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am sad for my country today.

I saw An Incovenient Truth the other night. The Al Gore documentary on climate change... Anyway, I sat there watching the slideshow, listening to Gore go through the information and I was struck by something more powerful than the information he was conveying. This is a smart man. Here is a man who was introduced to a revolutionary (and less than mainstream idea) by a professor in his undergraduate training. Here was an Your text goes hereengagedYour text goes here man, someone who absored information, felt compelled by ideas, struggled to comprehend was sat on the verge of his absorption. Gore, for all his personality flaws, or campaign woes, is fascinated by knowledge, and he has the capacity to be changed by changing information.

In the course of the movie Gore points out to what lengths he's gone to really grasp the ideas at hand. He has distilled difficult scientific understandings, and put together conclusions in a way that they become available, know-able, to the general public. And yet, here is a man who is not the President of the USA. More moving than the faux sentiment running through the movie, more saddening than the news that one day soon we will be faced with dramatic climate catastrophes, was the thought that this man did not compel the people of the United States to vote for him. That the anti-intellectual sentiment raging within the borders of this super-power brought to power an igornant, bumbling, distainful, disasterous, administration. How do we stand a chance in realizing the potential for good embodied in the position we have in the world if we can't, as a country, put a smart man in power?

I want a president who is more captivated by learning than I am, than I will ever be. I want my fellow citizens to feel the same. But that is not Australia's strong suit, either. Intellectual curiousity doesn't win much of anything for politicans, anywhere it seems. And I am sad, for my country, my countries, this world and its future.

2 October: Australia Goes to the Theatre

2006-10-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

I remember long drive up the Eastern seaboard of the United States when I was a child. My family would pack ourselves into the mini (or the maxi) van, and drive all the way up the coast enroute to a ski-town for a weeks vacation. Mostly my dad would drive, and we would fill eight hours with discussion and music, but mostly music. We would listen to the soundtracks of many a broadway show, some of which would fill hours of our journey. We would listen to the words of these songs and we would analyze, delve beyond the words and find hidden meanings, contextualize the references, and debate over what the sub-text was supposed to illicit. The beauty of these musical operas lay not in their simplicity, or in their surface, the brilliance of the theatre was the interpretation of the experience, the meaning hidden below, which pulls you from complacancy and invites you to create meaning within the story.

Not so of Australian theatre. Perhaps, not so of Australians in general. Sub-text is not a virtue for aspiration. Bluntness is worshipped. Why make people struggle to find meaning when it could be laid bare for them? Why risk that people may never understand what it is you hoped they'd understand by talking around the subject. Pragmatism. Say what's on your mind, plain, simple, no beating around the bush. No looking, no delving, no space for personal interpretation. The Australian theatre going experience is forthright. The plot develops along a simple trajectory. You almost know where its going before it gets there and you're hardly surprised when you arrive where you do. Almost like Australians themselves. Never giving you time to wonder, never giving you much to ponder, to savour, to hold on to, toss over and over, and inject with meaning never intended. The simplicity of life in general might be what drew me to love it here. My own fondness of being blunt in interactions might be what makes me happy here. But still, I don't believe that theatre should lack emotional subtext. If you can't create drama in your own life (which I am fond of doing, no doubt) than certainly a night at the opera should provide something more than straightforward recitation, something greater, more captivating, more invigorating...more drama.

23 September: Paris Hilton Hair

2006-10-15T21:27:00.001-07:00

Its always surprising when someone picks me out as foreign. I know i sound different, and as much as I LOVE the Australian obession with 80s fashion, i probably look different, I still can't figure out how people know, from a distance, and in an instant that I am not frome here. This is specifically disappointing to me as I struggle to become Australian, but the feedback people give me is wonderful. Stereotypes really can be useful in placing people it seems. I've been told that people knew I was not just American but from which coast and even which state of American I am from for some of the following:

1) my accent (that's pretty easy)
2) my clothes
3) my choice of alcoholic beverage
4) my personality
and my favorite
5) my hair style

Some of those things i just can't change. My accent is significantly weaker than most who come from my state, so its always shocking to hear that its strong to an aussie ear. My clothes, well, most are purchased here in Australia so i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong there. My beverage choice will not be altered, I refuse ;) Likewise my personality. My hair style, well who in the world knew that each state of America is attributed with a stereotypical hairstyle? Apparently mine is Paris Hilton hair. I've got that bicoastal, vacuous, blonde, heiress hair going, or so i've been told. And truth be told, that's probably not going to change anytime soon either. So i guess maybe my quest for Australianness is not really about being Australian in so much as Australians can't tell the difference between us, but rather about knowing why it is, exactly, that from a distance it is clear that Australians think I am foreign.

21 September: Bar Room Brawl

2006-10-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an argument when it suddenly dawned on you that you were neither going to win, nor were you making yourself look good? Have you ever witnessed someone else in such a position and thought to yourself how stupid they were making themselves look? Since having this experience, have you learned anything?

Last night I was in a small pub in my city with two friends from out of town, and two of their friends. It was a reunion, to be sure. I haven't seen these girls in 3 years and there was heaps to catch up on. So, over our pints and the din of a 'D-list' performer we happily reminisced, laughed, enjoyed. At the close of a really terrible song in which the performer attempted to rhyme the word potato with special, we applauded quietly but politely. Poor guy we thought, he must struggle to find work. And then he began to speak. We were sitting off to his left but he looked straight ahead and commented: "i like this space. Its very linear. And its perfect, y'know, because the quiet people have all congregated down, as far off from the stage as possible, at the door almost, and the loud people, well the loud people who want to have a conversation are all sitting by the stage."
Usually such a diatribe might be accompanied by a turned head, some eye-contact, and the a smile. Afterall, you're a performer at a local pub in which most of the people look as though they haven't washed in several days. To be fair, you, yourself look as though you haven't seen a good scrub in at least a week. Did you think people came to listen to you? All the while having these thoughts in my head, the man is still going on about how loud me and my friends are. What a prick! I thought about making some nasty comment in return, mostly regarding the quality of his performance and his talen (or significant lack thereof) but restrained myself, thinking that it would, inevitably be me, who ended up looking foolish for fighting with this man.

Oh but twenty minutes down the line i found myself enraged once more and unable to keep my mouth shut, unable to capitulate to the self-preservationist within. I was arguing with a government employee about immigration policy in Australia. Not much convinced he knew anything at all, and pretty positive that what he knew was rhetoric and brainwashing, I proceeded to attack him when i meant to be attacking the thought process behind the government's program. Offended no doubt by the hypocrisy of this American, he proceeded to become defensive and use the statistics he was privy to that were not confidential. Though I believe he was incorrect it dawned on me when i had my face twisted into an aggressive scowl, that it wasn't him who looked bad, despite how very ignorant he might be, but rather, I, who was making a fool of themselves. One day I might need this man's good graces, or the good graces of a friend of his in government. One day I might regret that I let my academic banter turn to passion in the bar.

So i guess we never learn. Not in the space of minutes, not in the space of years. I guess no one ever does, or at least I hope that I'm not the only one who has ever saved themselves the embarrasment of confrontation in one instance to go even bigger in embarrassment-factor the next time around.

19 September: America Australia Relations

2006-10-15T21:26:00.001-07:00

I had the unique opportunity to induldge in my "own culture" this weekend. Ok, not exactly unique, any aussie out there can find a few americans and spend the night talking sweet fa, but i haven't done it in a while. I got to hang out with a group of Americans and all of a sudden i felt really conspicuous. I was no longer cute when I approached the bar, I was in a pack of slightly obnoxious people about to descend and cause chaos. And, let's face it, I was no longer unique, a novelty, I was one of a few, all congregating around a table at the bar, and no one had any reason to single me out to talk.

Of course this made me ponder what my quest for Australia is all about. Is this to remove myself from people like them? In the beginning I thought it was. All these people, highly educated, like myself, but aroogant. Poppies growing wildly out of control and no one there to cut them, no one there to have taught them that arrogance is not endearing and the only people that everyone truly respects is those with every right to be arrogant and yet remain humble. But i'm more 'show-offy' than most australians so it couldn't have been their arrogance alone. Was it a desire to remove familiarity? It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt and perhaps I was too complacent, too comfortable, though ever seeking drama. Perhaps I need that feeling of ambiguity, the feeling that everything might be new today, could be new today. Was it to articulate my individuality? Like I said, there is great fun in going out and being noticed for nothing more than your 'accent.' Great fun in being something different, ubiquitous and yet somehow exotic.

For all these reasons I am seeking Australia. Its as much about me as it is about the place, though certainly, i love Australia for reasons i have not yet pinned down on the page. I love Australia in ways I have yet to discover, for reasons I have yet to know. But i love America too. I love America as my first love, a part of me I can't erase. I love America as my identification with it (or my being identified by it) influences everything i do in Australia, and perhaps, being something other than an American in Australian wouldn't be so much fun.

15 September: Summertime Iced Coffee

2006-10-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

The weather is finally warming again. I moved to Australia the first time having absolutley no idea that anywhere in the country would have a cold winter. I returned the second time with full knowledge of the facts and found myself surprisingly shocked by the onset of the cold in early june. But the sun is back and day-temps are climbing steadily. Celcius temps still mean very little to me and i find myself constantly doubling and addint 30 (is it 32) to aproximate a Farenheit temp.

Without exact degree measures, however, there is still no doubt, summer is on its way. And you know what summer means....ICED COFFEE. But of course, sadly, if you're Australian you do not know what iced coffee is. Iced coffee does not have ice cream in it, nor is it a flat white that has been chilled. You have not experienced the joys of $2 large Dunkin Donuts Toasted Almond iced coffee and you probably never will. Instead you will continue to maintain that iced coffee without ice cream is ridiculous and that a flat white is what is meant by iced coffee. And most of the time i want to accept Australian foods, words, and ways just as they are, but I am resolute in my proclaimation that iced coffee in this country is a disgrace! Iced coffe is french press coffee chilled (preferably overnight) for 12 hours. It is then combined with milk/cream/half and half and whatever type of sugar or sugar substitute you prefer. It usually comes with ice so you've got to drink it quick before your coffee turns to coffee-water in the sweltering summer sun. I can't tell you how much i'll miss iced coffee this summer. I can't tell you how many moments there will be, trapped at my desk, sunligh glittering through the floor to ceiling windows, tempting me away from work, tempting me outside, tempting me to find an American iced coffee. Still, I wouldn't want them here anyway, its a slipperly slope, afterall, and Australia should remain as uniuqe and individual, as far from American-pop culture as it can possibily remain. So, i guess in my ceaseless quest for Australia I will learn to enjoy iced cream in my iced coffee....

13 September: Home and Away: Traveling On

2006-10-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have ever stood on an ocean coast and wished you could get to the next large landmass…this is for you….

I have wanderlust. Borne of fascination with that which I am not experiencing, and an endless desire to have no opportunity denied me, no doors closed to me, I am curious and roaming, if not in actuality than in mind. Some clear thinker, articulate and succinct (though whose name I cannot for the life of me remember) has said it best: you want a man to build a ship, do not waste your time teaching him the engineering of ship building, or the mundane task of learning what type of wood to collect; do not bother giving him sewing lessons so he may make the most perfect sail; instead incite within him a longing for exploration and lust for the ocean. This desire for changes lies in perfect opposition for my endless longing for stability and continuity, this desire for change always wins out. I hate to leave, I am a miserable, stressed-out, anxious disaster when leaving time arrives, but I need to go. I can’t turn down the chance to go.

And I have always lived on the water. I have had that lust for oceans as a constant, my whole life. I have never been but mere moments from the salty water of ocean or sound or bay. And I’m sitting here, at my desk, longing for change. Never complacent for long I can not bring myself to research countries I have not yet seen, not without a small nagging tug at my heart, at my heels. But money comes in short supply, and time even shorter. To know that I will end up here is not to say I am willing to forgo a chance to see what I have ultimately turned down, and I am not willing to turn it down without, at least once, seeing it all. The fantasy of Home and the fantasy of Away; the dream of roots and the mirage of the journey (S. Rushdie)—these are the irreconcilables in my life…

10 September: RED EARTH UNDER MY SKIN

2006-10-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

If Australian advertising is entertaining, perhaps the exact opposite of their movies is true...

I watched the Japanese Story the other night. Toni Collette is in it along with heaps of unfamous actors of various quality. The movie is set in the Australian outback and its funded by, none other than the Australian Lottery Commission! I jest. Its actually quite a story and very Australian in its perception. True to form its filled with stereotypes that are blatant. There is no apologies or excuses or dancing around stereotypes (offensive as they are to some.) That is not the Australian way. Obviously these stereotypes focus on the Asian cultures which surround Australia both geographically and within their daily lives in the country! Anyhow, the plot proceeds in the most "un-american" way, killing off an important character and focusing on stoic faces, tears sliding down cheeks, and awkward out of body moments in hotel rooms. I can't ruin the story for you but ultimatley the cinematography is gorgeous and the acting is strange but not wholly unappealing. The script leaves something to be desired when you first encounter it, but like much in Australia it grows on you, seeps into your skin and holds on tighter than you'd imagine. Isn't that the Australian way? I've got an Australian man like that too, but that is another story...

8 September: The Billy Kane Beaumont

2006-10-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

I own a car. In fact, I am in possession not only of a car, but of a
license. And it is a source of great pride. It reads 'Driver License
Australian Capital Territory.' I keep it in my wallet in front of my
old New York Driver License and I love flashing it at bouncers and
bartenders throughout the county and watching them with a little bit
of confusion as they try to reconcile my accent with my license! That
license is my ticket to fitting in, to calling Australia home, and
though I certainly would be devastated to see it taken away, I have to
wonder sometimes 'who gave it to me?!' I mean, I learned to drive on
the right side of the road (some would say the correct side, but I
mean right, as in right/left). How difficult is it to follow
traffic patterns, some might ask? Perhaps people overestimate how
intelligent foreigners are. You see a car in front of you, you stay
behind it, hopefully at least one of you will be a native and be
traveling in the correct lane, no?

This morning, however, I pulled out of my driveway to discover there was no one else traveling down the road. It was early, I was tired, and for a good 15 seconds I pondered which lane I was supposed to pull my car into. 'The left one, the left one', my brain repeated, but I was paralyzed, all of sudden I couldn't tell my left from my right. Feeling unsure and overwhelmed I pressed on the gas and hoped for the best. I pulled out onto the empty street and was relieved to see a car traveling in the opposite direction in the opposite lane. A small step in my quest to
become Australian, a huge victory for road safety!

September 6: Aussie Adverts

2006-10-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

I watched the Emmy's the other night with my friends from North
America (leave it to us northern hemisphere folk to stick together!)
Though the program is American the advertising most certainly is not.
Do you know that Australian's must be the most naturally
prone-to-consume people on the planet? How else can you explain their
consumerist tendencies when their advertising could not entice a fish
back to water?

Perhaps Australian advertising is the ultimate
expression of the Australian egalitarianism and 'fair-go,' and
identity that the country seems to rally around. How else can you
explain the homemade commercials aired on prime time television? At
first its shocking. This is a country which advertises for skilled
migrants on its Department of Immigration and Multi-Cultural Affairs'
(DIMA) website. There is a need for electricians and plumbers and
hairdressers—this they know, but what about advertisers? Has it
escaped the attention of all but the foreigners residing amongst them
that Australia is in desperate need of some over-priced, make you
gotta-run-out-and-get-it advertising? How is it possible that
advertising has lagged behind so much in this country? Upon pondering
the subject further, with more than a little ridicule, I must admit, a
more accurate picture becomes clear. This is Australia epitomized.
And, while American's pride themselves on their 'pull yourself up by
your own bootstraps' ethos, Australia embodies it, letting their
hardworking, small-business owning men and women make a name for
themselves with their prime time advertising. And though I can't
remember what product the commercial was advertising for, I must say I
was struck by the theme song which featured a man on a shed roof
indicating that he was 'proud to be a react man.' I can't say with
any certainty that I know what being a 'react man' entails, but it was
kitschy and catchy and in my adopted home of Australia, as I struggle
to make amends with those values that I adore but have yet to
understand fully, I can say honestly, I too, am proud to be a react
man. This country, its people, and now its advertising, never fail to
make me smile, to laugh.

QUARTER LIFE CRISIS

2006-10-15T04:50:00.000-07:00

DIMA Chris and I at Muddle Bar on his 25th

who gets anything for two dollars?

2006-10-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

so my trip to vietnam.malaysia/singapore/cambodia/india/bhutan/nepal/uzbekistan/hawaii/rome seemingly is going to manifest itself into a trip to vietnam (b/c we can find cheap airfare) and then really to cambodia. For $AUD 1000 we can make it return Sydney to Saigon (yeah Ho Chi Min City just doesn't sound as good) and then for $US 12 dollars we can catch a bus from saigon to pheom penh from which we can hop a boat tour to siam reap and angkor wat.

i checked out some site to see how much accomdation and all that good stuff and they say reasonable accomodation is between $US 2 and 6 a night...that's pretty sick.

so anyone out there been to vietnam/cambodia give us suggestions!!!

BURNED

2006-10-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

i have spent 4,334 words explaining why the responsibility to protect is impossible to put into practice when what i really meant to be saying was that the responsibility to protect IS being put into practice and it still does not provide strong enough criteria for intervention that we will see any noticable shift in the situation in Darfur based on R2Ps principles. My paper is only supposed to be 5000 words. I don't care any more. Is this bad?

Remember senior year of college feeling a little burned out like you were really done with school for a while. Excited to hit the real world, have a job where you did more than think theoretically all day long....yeah, i'm there, times A MILLION!

MWAH

Cheeky Pugnacity

2006-10-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

Ohh I'm up for a fight. But not the right fight, and not the good fight.

I have a teacher here who called me pugnacious the other day in class. I wasn't there ( i attend the evening class) but the students who were there maintain that it wasn't a vicious comment, it was probably a poor word choice. He probably meant 'fiesty' but he said pugnacious, and now, here I am, ready for a fight.

I'm fighting with my own destructive desire to blow off his paper. For reasons other than the poor word choice to be sure, but I'm not finding the motivation to blow him away with my paper. I've got 11 days to write the best 5000 words he's ever seen and I can't even sit at the computer at get 100 pinned down.

So even though I want to fight with my professor, i'm fighting with myself instead to find the motivation, fighting to remember this isn't about IR its about PR, fighting to remember that i don't care what he thinks, I care what I think. But i think I'm tired, and a little burned out. I think I'm running on empty. I think i'll have to remind myself more than once that the fight I'm down for, the only fight I'll win, is the one with myself, cause fighting with him won't get me very far.

2nd Bat Mitzvah

2006-09-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

I had a bat mitzvah 10 years ago. Ten years ago, the Jewish community accepted me as a woman.Tthere were speeches and I learned to lead an entire service in addition to chanting from the torah (the holy scroll). I particuarly remember one speech in which someone I quite respected reminded me to remember always, always, that 'home' is more often about people than about places. And this advice has been immesurably useful in places all over the world. Home has always been about people, and i'm lucky, therefore, to have many homes.

Each home of course has different people which make it warm, and safe, and hospitable. I have found myself now, in a home that is inhabited by some of the most diverse people I have ever encountered. And each one of them has rendered this place home.

The Jewish holidays started this past weekend. This is not usually a big deal for me. I have certainly spent many a high holiday traveling in various parts of the world, but feeling slightly settled (as my school routine and classes dictates that I must) I also felt a little homesick. Sometimes, of course, it is a blessing to be living so far removed from the home in which my family and many of my closest, and oldest friends live. Sometimes its a blessing, but other times its nice to be close. These holidays would have been one of those times. But, instead of dwelling, i chose, instead, to bring the holidays home to Australia.

And this is where i encountered numerous problems. Holidays for me mean food and lots of it. But the brisket cut of beef is a hard one to come by in this little city. And Kosher, sweet, red wine (Maniscewitz) is impossible to find. Durkees French Fried Onions are no where to be found, and even toasted wheat germ need to be substituted. And right when I could have given up with half my ingredients evading me, people swooped in and made Australia home. Some spent far too much of their own time helping me secure a brisket cut by googling the cut of meat, determining which part of the cow i was looking for, and then calling around until we found it. Some came with me to retrieve the brisket. Some brought me milk when I ran out and couldn't leave the house because too many things were cooking. My roommates let me monopolize every appliance in the kitchen for an entire day. Some people helped me carry the food from apartment to car, and others from car to venue for eating. Some people brough serving spoons when we were short, others helped me roll the matzah balls out of sheer curiosity. Mostly people arrived to eat with wine, appetizers, and chocolates. Someone brought me flowers, and still far more people simply brought themselves and enjoyed.

My community accepted me as a woman over 10 years ago, but they pre-empted themselves. Though they told me I was officially a Jewish woman on that day, what they really did was acknowledge a confidence in me, a confidence that one day, in the midst of a home I had created for myself by surrounding myself with loving people, I would in fact be a woman. I would be capable of securing all the ingredients, and all the help I needed to purchase, prepare, and serve a holiday meal for 25 friends. Above reading from the holy book, or leading a congregation in weekly prayer, above struggling to make sense of a d'var torah, comes the simple act of inviting others into your home and serving them well. 10 years ago I was a child who proved I had the dedication, the resourcefulness, and the motivation to accomplish big tasks; on Sunday night, I was a woman.

can you say ridiculous schedule? sure you can

2006-09-26T01:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who find amusement in my procrastination, I have completed one assignment, am working on a second, have a 5000 word paper to write in 8 days when i've finished this essay and then i have two weeks before i have 3 final exams within 6 days of one another. Sound like fun? The more interesting posts are at www.orble.com/no-place-like-oz/ still under 'go harvey guess whose back' because fuck if i have time to move them from one place to the other!

ok procrastination over :(

Cash in proportion to pouplarity

2006-09-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

Anyone out there? I have been offered to be paid for writing a blog. Same sort of stuff that goes on here (minus the pictures) but, i get paid for it. So, if you're popping by to visit me here (and i will still be writing here, no worries) you should also stop by www.orble.com/no-place-like-oz/ and see what i've got going on there. PS i get paid by percentage of people who come to the site, so while you're sitting around, bored at work, check it out so this girl can make some cash.

hope everyone is enjoying the back-to-school bit. I know heaps of you will now be able to sympathize with me in the coming days, i can honestly say, i look forward to it!!

MWAH

CRIKEY! the croc hunter is gone

2006-09-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

Widely reported and causing grief and shock amongst foreigners and aussies alike, this freak accident has the nation talking.

I encountered steve Irwin in my semester in Adelaide. We were discussing stereotypes of Australian men and my teacher asked me to illuminate for the tutorial participants what Americans think about Australian men. I had only been in the country a few weeks and had never really pondered the "stereotypcial aussie bloke" before. As I struggled to find the words an aussie bloke spoke up from the back. "Don't you think we're all crocodile hunting Steve Irwin's?" he asked, pretty sure that that would jog my memory. Perhaps that resonates with some, however, Steve Irwin was not a name which would have otherwise crossed my mind. "No," I replied, "we think you're all surf bums!"

Despite my ignorace (or insight) and whether or not American's believe the entire male population to resemble this man, he is, in fact, a national symbol and a national legend.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20349888-2,00.html

if you find a car buried in the sand, remember, heaps of people have probably peed on it!

2006-09-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Brunch on the porch for the maximum available sunning time and to the beach before hitting the road!

Adam and I hoping to return to canberra slightly less translucent than usual

Look at the light off the water (you can see how white the sand it there!)
L_R: Chen, Haida, me, Hood, Andreas, Cody

you better call tyron ZEST

2006-09-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Evening festivities were inclusive from the necessary (the BBQ) to the thought-provoking (scrabble). Of course thought provoking quickly turned into ridiculous (the head scarf) and equally as ridiculous (ace to the face!!) We did however, manage to rouse our selves sunday morning for some final moments at the beach!

L-R: Kjersti, molly, me on 'team' scrabble

Kings cup anyone?! ACE TO THE FACE
Playing Eryka Badu in a highly UN p.c. but quite hysterical moment
sunday morning's trip to the beach, those are the stairs from our house to the street
Potatoes on the top, snags on the girll, our Kiwi (ewan) presiding!

mundane to holy

2006-09-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

The whitest sand beach in the world I believe they say these beaches are. Regardless of the flawless sand (which squeaks under your feet its so fine) the sunsets are pretty phenomenal, as well. I believe the only appropriate phrase for these sunsets is an amaism: 'sky blue pink, with a yellow sash.'

We took a walk at sunset. L-R haida, molly, me, Dharini

grasping at photos

2006-09-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

This is Lake George. It fills about every 7-10,000 years as far as we can tell and its on the way out of canberra. stunning really
anyone know the rules to the game that looks something like this? we got it started and then realized no one remembered how to play!!
Dharini is obsessed with australian animals and this is a possum up close and gross looking
A few more photos from Jervis Bay as they have filtered in. Three weeks on we're still holding on to the memories hoping they will get us through essay crunch time!

jervis bay in winter is still better than canberra in summer!

2006-08-27T02:46:00.000-07:00

The group on the beach soaking up the sun

No hot water=no shower, no shower=dip in frigid ocean, dip in figid ocean=jo's hair looks like this:
Running for aforementioned dip
The gorgeous beach
Hit the water running

defying stereotypes

2006-08-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

Academics are notoriously un-fit and nerdy. They spend days locked in libraries researching, writing, and editing. Here's a taste of the GSIAers, defying fat/ugly stereotypes left and right :)

Adam the rock star
Cody the cool
Haida the stylish
Hood the leisure king
Chen the celebrity

the capital city has no coast or int'l airport--but the weekend getaway is good

2006-08-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

as pictures from the fabulous GSIA costal getaway come in from our diligent photographers the choicest ones will make their way to y'all. sadly my camera stayed at the very bottom of my HUGE ass weekend bag and so i am relying on the kindness (and timeliness) of the rest of the crew to send them along. That water should make those of you who aren't here long for your much anticipated vacations to visit me! and of course, it makes us all long for a location better than canberra :)

dharini with the frisbee and the hat Martin and the gorgeous whitesand beach
me and molly in the front, charlotte, allens, and ewan in the back
allens lost the frisbee and jake, oh-so-baywatch-esque went searching
kjersti enjoyed the view, the sun, and a coffee

here's to mental health

2006-08-16T03:55:00.000-07:00

So we're planning a weekend getaway to the coast and i couldn't be more excited. We don't get vacations anymore so this is a much needed break. However, in order to ensure the serenity of my weekend i have two weeks worth of reading to do before we go. Yes, two weeks worth, because i have three large papers coming due soon too and there will be researching galore that needs to get done upon arriving back too....

we've rented a beach house, have 13 beds, 16 people and a whole lot of fun/relaxing to get done. link below is the house we're at...for the overly curious, of course :)

MWAH

http://holiday.domain.com.au/Public/PropertyDetails.aspx?adid=4480522

24 years old

2006-07-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

Allanah and Morgan turned 24 this week and so we celebrated with them. Dinner, drinking, and dancing commenced, as per usual...

L-R: Christine's boyfriend (adelaide), Christine (seattle), Dharini (london) at Niche

American's who studied in New London (jeff)
kiwi/south african chris smiles for the camera
me and cody
chen and allanah telling secrets!

those of you who know that the "good stuff" is conspicuously absent--good on ya! I've got it quarentined if you want to see it :)

debauchery is back

2006-07-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

congregating at Blair street to celebrate the end of a lease and the begining of a south east asian journey!

Tamas and I pondering our common ancestory :)
L-R Jan (shying away from "posed pictures") Hood, Luke, Andreas, Cody
I found a mexican hat which necessitated a picture--so we posed!
Adam contemplates how much fake money he's willing to bet at poker
Motorcycle, bicycle helmet...good times
a sucessful thursday!

in no particular order, with no particular orientation--tahitian and australian adventures

2006-07-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

seal pup at seal bay, kangeroo island
the view from the bed (that's Mo'orea in the distance) in our water bungalow in tahiti (those are my feet at the bottom)
one of the "snot-like" sting rays as seen from a safe distance, i.e. the boat
dad and i reliving the glory days of playgrounds in tamarama, sydney

in no particular order, in no particular orientation..cont'd

2006-07-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

orange uluru at first light
me and mom freezing our butts off at uluru sunrise
dad, koala, mom at cleland in adelaide
mom and dad basking in the gorgeous sun in sydney harbour with the bridge behind and the opera house (unpictured) in front
mom's got crabs in stokes bay, kangeroo island

in no particular order, with no particular orientation ...

2006-07-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Dad, Ian Clarke, and Mom the one-match wonder at our bbq bush lunch
me at 2a millswood crescent!!!!
this guy would hold your hand as you fed him!!!
mom, me, and dad after rock scrambling on the remarkables
me feeding the big 'roo

More images from the "family" album

2006-06-07T02:06:00.000-07:00

And because neither of them are done yet (and no, this does not bode well for the state of my paper...)

Kjersti and Dharini taking shots at Knights Bridge. Dharini looks decidedly not happy about consuming straight vodka, and kjersti probably shouldn't look so happy about it :)

The love among brothers....cody happily flips jake off without drawing undue attention to himself, and Simon ignores the camera all together

Waiting for some news on the state of my paper...

2006-06-07T02:01:00.000-07:00

As cody and allanah disect my paper....some images for procrastination

Me and Brett at Telstra Tower for Cody's birthday

Me on the turn tables at a party for a friend of Chen's --i'd make a wicked DJ with my sense of rhythm and all...
Allanah and Laura at Mombsa the night of phil's farewell
Jake and Phil at mombasa on the farewell soire.
Me, Chen, and Aaron (i can't believe i remembered his name) who approached me, chen, and dharini with one of the more clever lines ever tried: "so, have you girls been hit on by a stumbling drunk yet tonight?"

Holidays and Adieu's

2006-06-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

Cody's birthday found us out and about in the same bar as the Adelaide Army Rugby Team. This man was put in charge of "policing" the behaviour of his teammates in their drunken rowdiness. He did and excellent job--hence--The Sheriff.

This man managed to screw up during the days game, yet for some reason all this meant was that he was forced to wear this amazing headdress and his teammates were to buy him drinks all night. The Sheriff told me I could wear the headdress, and I even got a free drink!
Cody, Didrik, and Chen at the begining of Friday night's drinking marathon in honor of Phil's departure.
This is the view from Mount Ainslie. You can see the "perfect design" of Canberra. That road of red is called Anzac Parade and at one end is the War Memorial and across the lake is the Parliment House. The tomb of the unknown solider, commemerating all those Australian soliders who have been killed in service of australia lies in a direct line to the door of parliment house.
And brett, the dirty backpacker, and I are blocking the view of "perfect canberra" with our big heads!!
From my miniature holiday from school work, to a final farewell outing with phil, its been a quite the week. Also, i'm procrastinating actually writing my final paper, which, as it turns out, is worth 50 % of my grade for this course. BLECH.

enjoy the images

Anniversary

2006-06-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

A little over one year ago i graduated from college. I have been in the "real world" and since returned to academia, only to crave the "real world" every now and again.

Just over ten years ago today I had my bat mitzvah. I have been a woman for ten years! Its amazing what a little time can do. I have, since becoming a woman, traveled on three continents, lived in four countries, and 3 states of the USA. I have had 3 graduation ceremonies, 8 jobs, and 3 hosital visits of note. I have acquired FIVE tatoos, and numerous piercings, most of which no longer remain. More than such superficial acquisitions I have sucessfully avoided speaking friviolously. I am living the life I said I wanted.

Just a recount for you all.

for those of you who keep tabs...

2006-05-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

just an update, and a way to waste a very few minutes of time...i am now officially one paper down which leaves me with two papers, one friend in from out of town, two exams, one bus ride to sydney, and 2 very very long flights before i hit NY for an excruciatingly short period of time.

mwah

3 papers and 2 exams to go

2006-05-07T23:36:00.000-07:00

This is dharini excited by having found one of the easter eggs in the hunt (SHE hid them)

Me and tara and some of the boys from DFAT after a day at the horse races

Cody and I on a random person's motorcycle

The crew from the easter brunch

Ashild, me, phil, and jan--last one of the W & W i swear!

yes, its true this is merely a form of procrastination, but here are some pictures (a bit out of date as they are mostly from easter and our break, and even one more from the infamous wig and wine party of so long ago) but just to keep you posted on our antics!

never settle for the path of least resistance....

2006-04-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

Among the great struggles of man---good/evil,
reason/unreason, etc.--there is also this mighty
conflict between the fantasy of Home and the
fantasy of Away, the dream of roots and
the mirage of the journey."--Salman Rushdie

ok its a bad day. 1000 pages of international political economy, market liberalization, the role of china, japan, korea, ASEAN, APEC, and asia in general as it relates to mutlilateral regimes, bilateral agreements, the acession into the WTO and its rising level of importance to the international community as a whole. Its relevant to note my disposition is not good.

i was struck, however, quite hard by something i have been ignoring since i arrived. I have a friend, who shall remain nameless for the sake of confidentiality, whose life seems to be spinning wildly out of his control, and yet, he can't seem to figure out why. It seems apparent to me, and lets face it, to most people even mildly removed from the situation what some of the problems are there. And upon consideration the hardest part would be to convince him that it is in his reach to do some spin control and put himself back on track. The only thing is, he's not even really sure he's off the track. Momentary admissions of instances beyond his control are the most dedication he can muster to trying to determine what is going on that has hijacked (for lack of a better word) the course he imagined for himself. And here I am contemplating how to tell him, and what to tell him, and how to let him tell me (because to some extent he very clearly is aware of how he lost control in the first place), and how to help him build a bridge back to the destination of his choosing. I'm contemplating this when what i'm "supposed " to be concerned with is the rise of china, and this voice in my head is telling me i'm studying all the wrong things, and my career paths are diverging, awfully rapidly, from where i know my interest lies to this vague unknown of how to make a life-long career choice with which i will be happy. But can i change it all now? Give up what i've built here, re-arrange what i've started, re-think, re-organize, re-plan, re-live? So its easier to keep pushing forward, keep researching democracy in world politics, and australia's role in mediating the hypothetical conflicts between china and the US that are BOUND to arise, and constructivist, neo-liberal, critical theory ra ra ra.

all of a sudden i know why people "sell out." Dreams change on a whim, in a moment, with no warning or direction. Today might find you happily pursuing what it is you want only to discover, mid-morning, another path, a more compatible path, one you hadn' previously known or thought of. Or maybe you had but weren't convinced til now. i can't complain, my options are numerous and none of them is bad--but that's the thing with decisions, afterall. what i choose to do today influences everything, so how do i know which door to walk through when both hold promises of things i can't yet imagine?

holiday of a uni student

2006-04-20T01:03:00.000-07:00

the big blue fish at the aquarium, i don't think this picture does it justice!!
dharini locking up her belongings in the melbourne GHETTO
the mulder family rooster
the remnants of my trip in the mudhole
me and brett with the blue (ok its grey) lake in the background!

for those of you who requested more comprehensive visual updates of the life i live, some good ones from week one of break, which is supposed to compensate for week two of break which quite possibly has constituted the WORST vacation i've ever had being that i've spent 13 hours a day of it doing school work, in canberra :)

images of enjoyment

2006-04-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

me, dharini, sarah on dress up night
the girls (t-b, l-r): kjersti, dave, tara, sarah, ashild, chen, dharini, me on the fools day party

when i say i've got it down....

2006-04-02T03:46:00.000-07:00

Its officially April in both my worlds today!

This season, characterized by bunnies, matzah, and general rebirth leads me to thinking about my place physically and metaphorically. The six week mark in country was supposed to find me just settling in, making friends, feeling as though my choices were good. I can't imagine if it had taken this long. I can't imagine how i might feel about the program or the country or me and my decisions--because i have been those things for days now, not just days, weeks. I am happy, and settled, and falling in love with Australia on a daily basis. So while i can't imagine it having gone any differently I am supposed to recognize in my reflection that the past six weeks have been icing--icing on what is now going to be a fabulous cake.

the billy kane beaumont

2006-03-24T22:39:00.000-08:00

me and sara in my trunk

big pimpin!

2006-03-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

cody and the fro
didrik with the whitetrash wig
drunk and messy
doug and me
gerard me and dharini at the footy

the FRO i was born to have!

2006-03-17T23:08:00.000-08:00

Wig, Wine, and Bus Rides

2006-03-17T23:03:00.000-08:00

CONDI
Luke in the Uzbek hat
tara and me
3 fros
sara and doug
the idea compliments of dara and the democrats, tara had a Wig and Wine party for her 22nd. The day after I headed to Sydney to hear Condolezza Rice speak. Here are some pics for your enjoyment!

a rogue nation is as notorious as you want to be....

2006-03-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

do you think its weird that the more i study IR, the more i'm convinced I want to be a celebrity?!

Between Fukuyama, and the neo conservatives for Democracy in World Politics, and the Cosmopolitans view for the "sophisticated elite" which is lofty for certain, but more and more naively idealistic, and the science of political science....what is with this? On the up side I am taking a course with Stuart Harris (see: http://rspas.anu.edu.au/people/personal/harrs_ir.php) who provides us with heaps of reading material, some of which seems to be quite irrelevant to the topic at hand, but always entertains, and apologizes after having it out verbally with American :)

The program is great, the people are fabulous, the weather is here and you know the rest...

the only question left is how to you make yourself notorious? more relevant than you'd think to IR....

sunburnt

2006-02-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

I'm here, and in love again already (just shy of the 7 hour in country mark)

Carrie Bradshaw said it, and yes i am ruining this page as having any literary credit, but its all i can think of: if you only get one great love than the city is mine.

of course the city she is referring to is my home city and the city i'm referring really a country--but the point is made, no?

if you all would come, if they would let me stay---if only one or the other i would have an impossible choice to make. but for now, i am here, and like i told ms. rae my friends and family will have to be satisfied with SMS and email (perhaps an occasional call). no matter how hard it is to get on the plane every time, it turns out that when i arrive it dawns on me that i have longed for this country since i left. And while I am here I long for you all, as well...

I am my own biggest conflict of interest

2005-11-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

Someone presented my mother with this quote a few years back, and while it seems that every person searches for his or her own way of saying just this sort of thing, or at the very least, conveying this type of sentiment, it was this particular quote that struck me as eerily applicable to my oft decision tormented life.
Perhaps it is the curse of a child born of two individuals, each critical thinkers, and analytical by profession, but I find myself paralyzed by the process of decision making. Within me I harbor the constant wish to evaluate, weigh, analyze, list, and categorize. I value these skills and find them to be priceless when they are called upon to lead somewhere productive, however, those who know me well can attest to the fact that when they are utilized in the decision-making arena they are angst producing, not only for me, but most often for those around me, as well.
It seems that I have two major conflicting interests: I love to travel, to explore, to see, to learn, and I hate to be disconnected, far away, alone. How does one desire, so often trump the other, and why? Because in the end I have to believe that I will not be disconnected from my surroundings for long, because home won’t feel so far away after just a short time, and because you have to give something to get something—of that I am certain—and while I have constantly traded in the very securities I long for in moments of homesickness, and my family and friends who have been invaluably kind, and supportive, I believe that no matter how cracked and battered I might feel in the process of getting to each new place, in the end it is always worth it.
I don’t have words more eloquent than those above, or any others who have wrestled with the same sentiments, and so I offer you their words, combined with mine, in this medium so deeply rooted in the height of the technological age. I give to you excerpts from my cracked and quilted life, glimpses of the people who will connect me to my chosen place, and the moments that come together to make the experience whole. I invite you to share in the trials and tribulations, the inevitable crises, and hilarity of life abroad. As was the mantra of our first months in Australia in 2003, a phrase coined by the wise father of Ms. Rachel Retrum: it is all part of the experience! Every crack and fall—the forgotten perfect offering—my life.