Monday, January 14, 2008

What Would You Do If I Sang Out a Tune

I guess here and now is as good a time and place as any to ponder the year past and profer a guess on things to come.

It occurs to me now, after having spent a lovely 3 days with high school friends, that I have been a terrible snob.

Not only have I been a snob but I have been doing exactly what I have been accusing other people of doing and I felt self-righteous doing it. I had a dream (me and MLK, huh?) and because it wasn't easy to justify and because I've still not been able to find the words to explain where it came from or what sustains it, I decided to create a world to which I couldn't return in order to feel not so-very-far-away. I've been unfair. To myself, to those who have loved and supported me, and those who didn't even know they ever made it into my musings. And I wonder what ramifications this ephiphany has for my dream.

Things haven't come to pass quite how I anticipated. I was better at diplomacy than I ever anticipated, and through that experience I found out that I was better at IR than I had realized.

Dara's visit was the icing on an already perfectly golden, over-iced cake. Exploring new parts of Australia together was amazing, but equally surprising was how wonderful it was to re-do some of the parts I've seen already.

Moving was beyond hard. And that intuitive gut-feeling did not betray.

The Gold Coast was a blot on 2007. Perhaps "blot" is too strong a word, it was an unexpected detour that cost a lot of money! I feel fortunate that I was given the chance to take such a detour at such an expense. I feel fortunate that this mis-step wasn't the end of my dream (though in moments it certainly felt like it could have been). I met some lovely people, was supported by them (as my far-away family seems to do!) and can look back on the time as my last hurrah with student life for a number of years. There are worse ways to have spent those last six months, indeed.


And upon returning from the GC I was greeted with extraordinary kindness. Some of it remote (as in Tara who was in Perth but generously lent me her apartment while she was gone) and some of it from right in front of my face including Ross picking me up at the airport upon my return, Lisa and Daniel's places over New Years, Lauren and Craig letting me crash their hostel room in Sydney, and Chen and Miki's spare bed room now.

shade and sun

2008 has begun with enormous generosity from others. And let us here put down in words, so as not to forget (as he asked me not to), Moh, the man on the bus to Sydney before I met up with Craig and Lauren on the 10th of January--jupiter is strong in my star-sign, a job is on the horizon. A generous assessment of my prospects.

What will come in 2008 I have very few answers. I seem to be developing a bit of supersition, as well, however, because it seems arrogant to speculate and a bit of a temptation to fate. Let it here suffice that 2008 will follow the saga of my latest dreams, the manifestation of them I cannot yet anticipate. Jobs, apartments, new friends, new scenery--where ever it shall take me I hope to move forward without letting go, growing up without growing old, reevaluating the judgements that lent my dream a necessity it does not objectively possess, and remaining open to the possibilites that through whatever cracks may appear, the light will stream on through.


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