Sunday, April 23, 2006

never settle for the path of least resistance....

Among the great struggles of man---good/evil,
reason/unreason, etc.--there is also this mighty
conflict between the fantasy of Home and the
fantasy of Away, the dream of roots and
the mirage of the journey."--Salman Rushdie

ok its a bad day. 1000 pages of international political economy, market liberalization, the role of china, japan, korea, ASEAN, APEC, and asia in general as it relates to mutlilateral regimes, bilateral agreements, the acession into the WTO and its rising level of importance to the international community as a whole. Its relevant to note my disposition is not good.

i was struck, however, quite hard by something i have been ignoring since i arrived. I have a friend, who shall remain nameless for the sake of confidentiality, whose life seems to be spinning wildly out of his control, and yet, he can't seem to figure out why. It seems apparent to me, and lets face it, to most people even mildly removed from the situation what some of the problems are there. And upon consideration the hardest part would be to convince him that it is in his reach to do some spin control and put himself back on track. The only thing is, he's not even really sure he's off the track. Momentary admissions of instances beyond his control are the most dedication he can muster to trying to determine what is going on that has hijacked (for lack of a better word) the course he imagined for himself. And here I am contemplating how to tell him, and what to tell him, and how to let him tell me (because to some extent he very clearly is aware of how he lost control in the first place), and how to help him build a bridge back to the destination of his choosing. I'm contemplating this when what i'm "supposed " to be concerned with is the rise of china, and this voice in my head is telling me i'm studying all the wrong things, and my career paths are diverging, awfully rapidly, from where i know my interest lies to this vague unknown of how to make a life-long career choice with which i will be happy. But can i change it all now? Give up what i've built here, re-arrange what i've started, re-think, re-organize, re-plan, re-live? So its easier to keep pushing forward, keep researching democracy in world politics, and australia's role in mediating the hypothetical conflicts between china and the US that are BOUND to arise, and constructivist, neo-liberal, critical theory ra ra ra.

all of a sudden i know why people "sell out." Dreams change on a whim, in a moment, with no warning or direction. Today might find you happily pursuing what it is you want only to discover, mid-morning, another path, a more compatible path, one you hadn' previously known or thought of. Or maybe you had but weren't convinced til now. i can't complain, my options are numerous and none of them is bad--but that's the thing with decisions, afterall. what i choose to do today influences everything, so how do i know which door to walk through when both hold promises of things i can't yet imagine?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

holiday of a uni student

the big blue fish at the aquarium, i don't think this picture does it justice!!
dharini locking up her belongings in the melbourne GHETTO
the mulder family rooster
the remnants of my trip in the mudhole
me and brett with the blue (ok its grey) lake in the background!

for those of you who requested more comprehensive visual updates of the life i live, some good ones from week one of break, which is supposed to compensate for week two of break which quite possibly has constituted the WORST vacation i've ever had being that i've spent 13 hours a day of it doing school work, in canberra :)

images of enjoyment

me, dharini, sarah on dress up night
the girls (t-b, l-r): kjersti, dave, tara, sarah, ashild, chen, dharini, me on the fools day party

Sunday, April 02, 2006

when i say i've got it down....

Its officially April in both my worlds today!

This season, characterized by bunnies, matzah, and general rebirth leads me to thinking about my place physically and metaphorically. The six week mark in country was supposed to find me just settling in, making friends, feeling as though my choices were good. I can't imagine if it had taken this long. I can't imagine how i might feel about the program or the country or me and my decisions--because i have been those things for days now, not just days, weeks. I am happy, and settled, and falling in love with Australia on a daily basis. So while i can't imagine it having gone any differently I am supposed to recognize in my reflection that the past six weeks have been icing--icing on what is now going to be a fabulous cake.